The "knackiest" house in the land

Welcome to the "knackiest" house in the land

The owner Nick Nack is often at hand

And his wife Knackie Jaqui will also be there

“There’s a knack” is a phrase that hangs in the air

The fun all starts at the garden gate

If you don’t have the knack you’ll be awfully late

Push hard with your knee, lift the rusty old latch

Then lift by the hinges, so on the stones it won’t catch

Then you’re standing before the old smoky front door

It seems like it’s watching, as you approach it in awe

If it could talk, it seems it might say

“I’ve not seen this chap around here ‘till today”

Take hold of the doorknob and give it a wiggle

Is your mind playing tricks, did you hear the door giggle?

Because try as you might, the handle won’t budge

Until you twist it three times then give it a nudge

Now you’re inside, it’s time for some tea

But the kettles a faff, there’s a knack you can’t see see

Make sure the water fills only halfway

And hold down the switch ‘till it’s boiling away

The TV, the tap, and every light switch

Nothing will work without some kind of hitch

Everything hides it’s own little sweet spot

But once it is found, it will trouble you not

As you muddle and puzzle, they arrive like a breeze

Jaqcui and Nick move around with such ease

Each doorknob is turned with the correct flick of wrist

Each latch, button, lever given just the right twist

They might note your despair, your frustrated frown

If you can’t find a knack, they’ll just sit you down

And tell that actually, sometimes you will find

The knack can be most unexpectedly kind

One thing we can tell you for sure, they might say

Sometimes finding the knack can come straight away

You’ll just know where to push, to pull and to press

So natural for you, for others, just stress

So in the end you’ll stay for as long as it takes

Nothing will stop you when a knack is at stake

Still a stumble here and a fumble there

When the knack just deserts you like dust in the air

When you do leave, you’ll lay down on the grass

Happy to not need a knack at long last

Looking back now, it seemed nothing else mattered

But pursuing the knack can leave you quite knackered.